The Weeknd Storiess!?!

I ran, I ran, I ran, and I ran. I kept running and just thinking those thoughts in my head. The more I saw that picture in my head, the more I got more and more angry. I felt like grabbing them, I felt like I put all my heart into someone, I felt I was tricked, into falling in love, and having sympathy for her. Welp! I guess I’m not dumb anymore, ha! She doesn’t know that I know what she did.  For now on, I’m going to show hurt, how it feels to be hurt.  I bet she thought it would make me angry, that I would be sad forever, and that I would just die w/o her, nope because I know everything.

It really hurts for me to do this, but you know what I’m going to show her, she can’t bring me down, from now on I’m a new person…… a new person still in love with her, I can’t stop thinking of that day, that moment, that second I realized she was my all. 

Day 1: She’s in love with him, I can see it but I’m who she needs. I can give her the world, I can take her to places. He doesn’t have to be with us, just me and her. I  mean I know he’s what she wants, but I’m what she needs. No one will stop us,  I’m in love with her the way she needs it. I have everything she wants, I do everything he does three times better, I mean he doesn’t have to know that were together. We can just love and love til, he leaves. Ah! She see’s me. She’s probably thinking that I’m a drug in her veins and just fighting through the pain of choosing. She doesn’t know how to choose me or him. I’ll make you choose, I’m going to make her choose.

Day2:  Her apartment I’m looking in her eyes.  She’s laying down and I realize I have to tell her, she has to choose.

“ You don’t know whats happening, you don’t know what’s I store for you. But you know exactly why you here, looking at me, so just close your eyes, and just sit next to me. Now hold tight, think of it like a rollercoaster, except we just don’t need or have protection. Make sure you’re alone, nobody else around. Kiss me I know you want to, because I know what you’re feeling , and It’s ok because I feel it to. Just breathe and let your heart keep beating, Im right here, can you se me, I’m right here, STOP OPEN YOUR EYES…… LOOK AT ME IM RIGHT HERE!

Day 3: The morning after we connect after waking up from a beautiful night. I remember the walls  kick were kicking like they were pregnant, people complained about the loud noise, but we didn’t really care. We wake up to some wine with our breakfast, she called a cab, and left. For some reason I’m still putting myself, into this issue of loving others. Not in love but, I have all this money, I find myself paying for these other girls, I mean I have another love, that’s what I keep telling them, but is it me, or them that’s resisting. No it’s them they want me, they try and take me away, but I have the money I have all want. We pleasure each, and I pay them, am I cheating? The night comes I walk out, I have my money, I have my camera, I have what I need.

Day 4: She walks in mad and she slammed the door, is she mad at me. I should tell her. I should just tell her that I’ve done wrong again. Well how should I say it, should I just say I did it, or I messed up, I lied to you, or maybe I love you, but I loved someone else.  I’ll blame it on the money, this money brings me problems, but I have the solution to these problems.

Day 5: 

Street Musicians Research

   When I’m walking around downtown I always see people sitting and standing on little corners, singing songs or playing instruments. Many people look at them as being homeless, or just doing this for money, but I look at them differently. I look at them as if they are normal people, wanting to express their artistic talents to the world. I wanted to show people that these aren’t just homeless people who want money, even though some are homeless. Rather, these are people who want to teach the world lesson, they want to bring people together, and they all have stories. I decided to display the stories of different street musicians that really caught my attention.

street musicians have a story, and that they’re people that think outside the box. Just like the average person that goes to work and make money. This is his job, his way of making a living for himself. He had trouble getting a “real” job, because he was disabled and in a wheel chair. His way of making money was something that not all people have the courage or strength to do. To actually stand out in the cold, and to not be guaranteed you’ll have enough money at the end of the day for even buying food. He still comes out and plays his instrument, and sits in the cold, and has the courage to express is art. Even though he didn’t really talk and he didn’t really say anything about the music he was playing, the few words that he did say helped get a really relevant point across for my project. 

         Through all my research and interviewing, I learned that all my opinions about street musicians was true. Not all of them are just homeless, some of them are just people trying to express their thoughts to the world. They’re people who want to use their talents, to help others understand, and to help give themselves and others a voice. There are some that actually do this for a living; they use this as their life career.  I also learned that being a street musician is not easy at all, and takes a lot of courage, strength, and faith. To be able to stand out in the cold weather all day, and not be guaranteed that you’ll make money, or even that you’ll be successful, takes faith and strength. To be able to go out into the world, and be able to perform in front of a lot of people, strangers you’ve never seen, or maybe will judge you, takes courage.

Personal Post..... SIx Word Memoir

Temperance McKinley

Creative Writing

12-09-11

     “Music depresses my scared hidden religion”……

My religion is hidden, my own personal religion is hidden. I was raised to believe in God, I am still raised to believe in God. But My mind doesn’t fully believe in God. I’m not saying that he’s unreal, I’m saying that I’ll believe it when I see it. I’ll belief in God I’ll believe in heaven I’ll believe in heaven, I’ll believe in the Bible when I actually see it. Not the actual Bible, but the original bible, the Bible written in Hebrew, the Bible written at the exact moment it was written, the Bible written before men. I’ll believe this “religion” when I see the “religion”. But then how I express this when idea is hidden, when my idea is not really known. When I live off of knowing who God is, listening to the music of God. I feel as if I’m putting on a front as if, I’m not really sure or not really certain of myself. Does this make me a devil worshipper? No because in not believing in God, I don’t believe in the Devil. It’s all a myth, it’s all a question, it’s all a question. It’s all he say or she say. It’s all a matter of question. Learning Bible verses all my life, even when I was little, I always thought of the Bible, as a book, with these characters, or with these abstract weird parables.  Am I hiding from the church, or am I hiding from the people. I feel I’m hiding because I’m afraid of what the church will think of me.I’m the token “church girl” at my church and at home. But as I step outside those doors, I’m something different, I’m just a regular teenager, I’m a regular person, I make mistakes I do my best but I don’t do a lot. I’m not the so called “church girl” they take me to be. I’m not that perfect child, that everyone looks up to. I honestly don’t belive anybody looks up to me.

     Scared: I’m scared. I’m scared to live, I’m to accept, I’m scared to be myself,I’m scared to express my feelings. I’m scared to tell…….  Wait I can’t tell you! I’m scared not to tell you, I’m of what will happen when I tell you, I’m scared to tell you about what I’m scared to tell you about. I think I’m scared to live in the world I live in. I’m scared of dieing, but I’m not afraid of trying to die. I’m scared of  dieing by accident. I’m scared of not dieing without a reason. Maybe I’m scared of nothing. Maybe it’s al in ym head.

 I have music I have depression, depression is something everyday, just like music is everyday. Music is more of a way to hide my depression. I express my depression in music. I listen to sad songs, to display that I’m sad, I listen to mad music to display that I’m done. I listen to happy music to display im happy. Music explains my depressing life, I deal with depression, like it’s a disease, but really it’s not. I feel like it’s a disease, because it travels with me everywhere I go. I walk around and depression is there, I wake up and depression is there, I sleep and depression is there. But I feel the same way about music. It’s a disease but a helpful disease. Every life long depression I have music is there, every problem I have music is there. Every friend I loose, every friend I gain music is always there, every serious situation music is there, every family death music is there. But I don’t  think music is a harmful disease. So Music depresses, music helps my depression, my scared, my would represent me meaning me scared or I’m scared, hidden religion my religion is hidden, it hides behind my body my wall it hides behind my learned religion.  Music depresses my scared hidden religion. This explains my music loving, depression all around, a scared body and mind, hidden religion, and a life of  a child/teenager/young adult life.

Personal Blog 3-28-12

  So the doctor said that he lost to much blood. Sometimes I wish that I had just given my own..... I guess for whatever reason God decided to just take him away, from us I don't really understand it, how someone so young could just die, in such a harsh way, I guess since he wanted to kill himself, he got what he wanted. He wanted to die, and unfortunately he did. This really just shows that life is short, and is not promised at all. It's funny how is was mad that she called so late, then after, I heard what she had to had to say, i just remember pacing back and forth.........

 Why is chicken considered just a black person's thing, because every damn body eats chicken. Sooooo why just black people, I don't understand, it's dumb, I mean the guy on the picture of KFC is white, hahaha did people  not notice this I guess not. I wonder where that little stereotype came fro, I guess I don't really know but anyway. ..........and then watermelon, why do people think watermelon is just black people, i mean everyone loves watermelon, and everyone eats fruit so why say just for black people.


 

I Get Out Personal Blog #2

So I decided to post a Lauryn Hill song, that most relates to me, mainly because this is something, that I've always thought, but me and Lauryn are speaking to two different people and districts.......

 I get out, I get out of all your boxes
I get out, you can't hold me in these chains
I'll get out
Father free me from this bondage
Knowin' my condition
Is the reason I must change

[Verse 1]
Your stinkin' resolution
Is no type of solution
Preventin' me from freedom
Maintainin' your pollution
I won't support your lie no more
I won't even try no more
If I have to die, oh Lord
That's how I choose to live
I won't be compromised no more
I can't be victimised no more
I just don't sympathize no more
Cause now I understand
You just wanna use me
You say "love" then abuse me
You never thought you'd loose me
But how quickly we forget
That nothin' is for certain
You thought I'd stay here hurtin'
Your guilt trip's just not workin'
Repressin' me to death
Cause now I'm choosin' life, yo
I take the sacrifice, yo
If everything must go, then go
That's how I choose to live

[Pause]

[Singing rest of Verse 1]
That's how I choose to live...
Hehehehe, awhh
No more compromises
I see past your disguises
Blindin' through mind control
Stealin' my eternal soul
Appealin' through material
To keep me as your slave

[Singing Chorus]
But I get out
Oh, I get out of all your boxes
I get out
Oh, you can't hold me in these chains
I'll get out
Oh, I want out of social bondage
Knowin' my condition
Oh, is the reason I must change

[Singing Verse 2]
See, what you see is what you get
Oh, and you ain't seen nothin' yet
Oh, I don't care if you're upset
I could care less if you're upset
See it don't change the truth
And your hurt feeling's no excuse
To keep me in this box
Psychological locks
Repressin' true expression
Cementin' this repression
Promotin' mass deception
So that no one can be healed
I don't respect your system
I won't protect your system
When you talk I don't listen
Oh, let my Father's will be done

[Singing Chorus]
And just get out
Oh, just get out of all these bondage
Just get out
Oh, you can't hold me in chains
Just get out
All these traditions killin' freedom
Knowin' my condition
Is the reason I must change

[Singing Verse 3]
I've just accepted what you said
Keepin' me among the dead
The only way to know
Is to walk then learn and grow
But faith is not your speed
Oh, you've had everyone believed
That you're the sole authority
Just follow the majority
Afraid to face reality
The system is a joke
Oh, you'd be smart to save your soul
Oh, when escape is mind control
You spent your life in sacrifice
To a system for the dead
Oh, are you sure...
Where is the passion in this living
Are you sure it's God you servin'
Obligated to a system
Getting less then you're deserving
Who made up these schools, I say
Who made up these rules, I say
Animal conditioning
Oh, just to keep us as a slave

[Singing Chorus]
Oh, just get out
Of this social purgatory
Just get out
All these traditions are a lie
Just get out
Superstition killing freedom
Knowin' my condition
Is the reason I must die
Just get out
Just get out
Just get out
Let's get out
Let's get out
Knowin' my condition
Is the reason I must die
Just get out

SHOT!? (Personal Blog #1)

A year ago my friend from Detroit was shot in the head/face what ever you wan't to call it, and I remember, sitting at home thinking that I would never be able to see her again. I remember when I found out she was shot, and at first I just couldn't believe it, then I started to feel rage, I just wanted to go back home to Detroit, and just avenge whoever shot her. I kept trying to understand how somebody could just, come up to a car, and just shoot a person in the head, then just walk away like it was nothing. Til this day,  I'm just thankful she was able to celebrate another birthday, and another day on this earth. It made me feel like she survived the horrible. I guess the rest of this is in more detail in my writer's notebook.
This always made me feel like life is deffinately not promised, and sometimes want to just up on the point of life, so I guess I just learned to get over it.

POV Assignment #2

LMAO!? Giirrrrl remember that time that one time.That one time, that we laughed so hard about it. I told you not to do it, and yo crazy self did.

  We was sitting at home bored like crazy, and I we was trying to find something to do. I said we should go get some pizza and Mickey D’s lOlz.....but I guesss you didn’t really want to hmmmph. Then we saw previews for new movies, but we was to lazy to get up ha! smh were a mess. Anyway, then you said oh lets go on youtube and look at stupid dumb funny videos. I mean it was something fun to do, w/o getting up lmao! All those videos girl, we was dieing laughing. I remember we was turning red and purple and all types of shit! But that one click, yeah that one click on a video changed the whole night, and probably our lives forever! You may not remember this, but the cinnamon challenge. We watched all these videos, with nutty people doing the cinnamon challenge, and I saw how in your eyes, you really wanted to do it, so I tempted you and ask, hayyy lets try it!?....... (wrong idea)
   So we just put some cinnamon on the spoon, and into or mouths, and that mess made us choke so much. Then I heard a loud thumbed, and I looked over and you was on the floor!

So now here we are, in the hospital not knowing if you’re brain will wake you back up and allow you to remember, and to remember what happened. Now that I’m thinking about it, I wish you would have just listened to me, and just didn’t do it, you where always stubborn (snicker)..... I hear telling to me just shut up, lOl..... you know now I feel like this should be instead of you, because I mean it was my house ya know, and it’s kind of the reason you did it. But ummm just to let you know, when you get out of this, and get better, because i wanna go after who ever created, this damn cinnamon challenge hahahhaha..... sooo i guess ( did you just open your eyes )?!?